I prefer to call myself a “realist”, though my husband would call it “pessimism”. And that’s because he is so optimistic. (How optimistic is he???) He is so maniacally optimistic that if he were on the edge of eternal dehydration in the desert - he would actually believe that a cloud would see his suffering, come down to him and wring it’s very own moisture straight into his parched mouth. Cloud to him. Serious. Oh yeah. I married an artistic-dreamer-optimist. Some in the medical community call it ADHD.
Hey, this was supposed to be about ME.
With that said, I am struggling with my attitude and perspective on mothering. Whether it’s realism or pessimism, this whole “mom thing” is one tough gig. Especially with a nearly 3 year old… for a third time. I haven’t had a teen yet, so please forgive my naiv-e-tay. I don’t want to know.
I read this quote a few days ago - on Mamalogues:
I know, I know, I know… I was discussing the experience of parenting preschoolers with a friend one day. She said that we (her friends) had all told her how it would be. She felt she had been adequately warned and was emotionally prepared for the not-so-dreamy part of motherhood. We (the friends) had been painfully and brutally honest. Then she said, “I knew. I KNEW! But I didn’t know. I had noooooooo idea until ‘Baby Boy’!”
I am on the edge - it’s either the edge of a breakthrough, or the edge of a breakdown. There are so many pieces of goodness and conviction are coming at me from all directions - too much and too diverse for me to catalogue here… right now. I am certain that my own personal “sieve of lessons for Jenny on Motherhood” is filtering out the needed info from the not-needed info, and a “nice”, sifted pile of goodness will sit before me to inhale…
Meanwhile.. at a Mothers of Preschoolers meeting… our speaker brought up this little nugget:
Why did the children have to wander in the desert for 40 years? Because of complaining! The Israelites wandered because their attitudes sucked (Exodus 16). Oh lookie - my attitude sucks too!
Conclusion: I suspect this will be a process with no end. As the kids grow and change, so will my issues. I just need to figure out how to be good with that.
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It’s definitely a process. You know I ddn’t think it would be easy, but I definitely had NO idea. NO one prepared me for how hard it would be.
My attitude often sucks too. Perhaps, you’ve hit on something here in just the right way that the message is becoming more clear for me. At least until my next meltdown of frustration. Yes. I said MY meltdown. Not the kids’.
I’ve been thinking about this same thing lately, there was so much that I thought I knew about mothering, but oh so much more that I didn’t know I didn’t know. Its hard to be the fun mommy all the time when ALL you want is a good nap. I think we all just do the best we can…and I think that’s pretty darn good.
Deep breathes and good wine.
Can i just say, “I feel ya!”