Jenny On the Spot

At first sight, I thought this little contraptions seemed a bit, well… like a conTRAPtion… Then my maternal instinct and wisdom surfaced. I immediately felt the pang of regret - you know the regret - the one where you should have been pregnant THIS fall and not last fall because only NOW are the pregnancy clothes cute. Or the regret that your baby was born in 2002 and the super-cool, utlra shine baby saucer you decided to spring for back then performs like a jallopy compared to the hyper-drive, super-juiced version of 2004… Oh, and have you seen the pack and plays they make these days???

My point- where was this Babykeeper, this little piece of heaven the DOZENS of times at Target or Costco or Toys R Us, or, or, or, or… while I held my littlest one - near death in a modified-strangle-hold position while wiping poop from my preschooler’s bottom?

You see, strangulation is surely a kinder death than death brought on by fecal matter and urine… because, most assuredly, the wee-one would run her fingers, head, knees and tongue along all of the stall surfaces (floor included) - if not securely held in said modified-strangle-hold position…

While holding a 10 to 20, 21, 22 pound flailing, sweating, screaming, infuriated toddler - this mother had the esteemed calling to adequately wipe her sister’s poopy bottom . Inevitably, the poop is not a “clean” poop. If you are a mother, you know what I mean… I’ll save the details for those with weak stomachs - OK, except for the time I swear I burned 500 calories using the “hold of safety” on the baby, making sure the oldest stayed IN the bathroom, and wiping no less than 12 times on aforementioned preschooler. No. Less. I needed the Babykeeper that day.

Triathlons. Ptooey. I have 3 kids, and am living to tell about it.

Thank you to Shellie for sending this link to me :)