Daily Archive for May 10th, 2005

Happy Mother’s Day Blog Friends!

Mother’s Day was nice:) Thank you hubby for your sweet post. This greeting is a bit late, but hey - I’m a mom, let\’s get real!

I thought I’d write about my dream mother’s day, and then ask what yours is (or if you’re not a mother, make something up:).

There would be no timeframe but my own. I would get no one chocolate milk. I would wipe no poopy bottoms. I would break-up no sibling conflicts. My nap(s) would be when I decided, not after lunch was done and only if the baby would nap. The phone would not ring, and there would be no messages. The house would be squeaky clean - this is when ideal relaxation happens for me. There would be nothing hindering my mind from becoming jello . . . my “to do” list would have been completed prior to this day.

My dream day is simple. Remarkably, it does not include the reason I get to celebrate this day - my children. I would stay home and my little darlings would go somewhere - safe of course:) I would shower and get back in my jammies. I would send my hubby to get a vanilla mocha and a pumpkin scone from Starbucks (ooh - he did that!). I would sit on my couch and flip between HGTV and the food network. I would have my laptop on my lap. I would read new blogs and update my blogroll with my new discoveries. I would not get hungry because eating distracts from the things I really want to do - sit, sleep. read, and zone out on home improvement and cooking shows. I would experiment with at least one new recipe, but no trips to the store and absolutely no clean-up! IF I felt like it, I would swim some laps in my very own heated in-door pool (boy, can I dream!), but only if I felt like it. I would raise my heart-rate and feel the endorphins rise. This would make my second nap even better:) Of course, this fine package would be all wrapped up in a beautiful bow called - a full night’s sleep.

So. . . . who’s next???

Published
by
jenny
on May 10, 2005
in General and Mutha' Hood
. 0 Comments

And then there’s the phone . . .

Why so many calls at naptime? Grrrrr! Why can’t I mange to remember to turn off the ringer EVERY SINGLE TIME NAP TIME? Oh, because it’s NAP TIME and people should not be calling then:)

Now it’s out, my philosophy on phones and life. My biggest pet peeve.

So, what’s your biggest pet peeve?

Published
by
jenny
on May 10, 2005
in General
. 0 Comments

Slipping

I feel like I\’m running as fast as I can. I am desperately running from this beast, though he is familiar to me. I hope being caught is not inevitable, I pray I don\’t slip. I wish I could spew all that circles my mind, but I can\’t. I am waging war and feel like I\’m losing. I\’m losing \”it\”. What the heck is \”it\”?

Life is unfair, but my life is good. I am ridiculously blessed. But then there is the mind. There is the battle that wages. The battle of what one can control and what one cannot. I waffle between. What of this battle comes from me being a whiny baby, and what comes from the post-partum mind. I have no answers, no solutions. The best I can do is use up all my hot water as I slump in tears in the shower. The voices tease, \”Get up Jenny! It\’s been 2 months! You can\’t recover forever!\”

I want to feel stronger. I want to feel MORE capapable than the picture I\’ve painted for myself. I want to be fully independent - needing nothing from anyone. I don\’t wnat to depend on others. How can I get there? I don\’t want to be sad or tired or angry or bitter. I don\’t want post-partum depression to be a piece in the puzzle of my life - again. What if this isn\’t post - blah, blah, blah? What if this is me? What if this is who I am becoming?

Yet . . . I refuse to be the \”squeaky wheel\”. I know first-hand how the \”squeaky wheel\” hoards the grease for only itself. I detest \”squeaky wheels\”. This is has become a large souce of my grief.

So, where is my point of balance? I am searching, but running in desperation. Running from a post-partum label, running from feeling \”needy\”, running from unspoken expectations, running from my own thoughts and worry. My faith helps, but it is insufficient this morning. . .

Published
by
jenny
on May 10, 2005
in General and Jenny Jen-Jen
. 1 Comment

Dear Olivia,

\"\" Wow! You are 3 years old - Congratulations Princess!!!

You have grown into quite a young lady. You are adored by all who meet you. Your fire for life grabs the attention of others. Your wit and curiosity is a draw and brings smiles. Your speech and observations amaze me and Daddy and all who listen. You are not easy to ignore because you demand attention with your loud tone and the small amount of personal space you require:) Your blue eyes and curly hair only accentuate your beauty and flare.

You love people. You love to talk to people. You love to ask questions about people. For example, recently you asked Grandma Linda (LOUDLY) why the man had throw-up on his face . . . it was his beard:) At church on Sunday you went from person to person asking for candy and gum. We really need to work on the concept of \”stranger danger\”.

I would say your favorite things right now are: anything pretty, suckers, chocolate, dresses, playing dress-up snuggling, being scratched on your back, and nail polish! If something does not fall into the \”pretty\” category, it becomes \”pretty\” merely by you calling it \”pretty\”, but all things MUST be \”pretty\” for you. For example, you may tack on the word \”pretty\” or \”princess\” to the word sword. Even the way you fire your imaginary Star Wars gun as you battle with your big brother is \”pretty\”. Soflty you spew, \”pew pew . . . pew pew . . . pew pew.\”

Though you are obsessed with all things pretty, you can take a tumble or hit like any linebacker. Daddy and I are often amazed at the bumps and tumbles you shake off. Others are even more amazed because they don\’t see it as often as we do! At a big boy\’s birthday you rolled, tumbled and dogpiled like a master, unaware of the parental jaws that were on the floor. Super Girl you are!

You are a mess. Your brother cannot stand to be dirty while eating, or during any other tasks. But you are the complete opposite. You like to draw pictures on the counter with your chocolate milk and straw, or hands. You like to see the splash of all things liquid. I have given up on keeping your face clean - you will notice this as you look back on your pictures when you are older. You draw on your face, our furniture and walls with greater passion and quietness than I ever expected.

You are a clumsy mess. You CAN drink in an \”open cup\”, you WANT to drink in an \”open cup\”, but a warning to all who allow you to \”go there\”! I cannot think of a meal where something has NOT spilled or toppled. We laugh, out of amazement and survival. If we did not we would surely go mad!

This past year has been such a big one for you. You have learned to go potty on the big girl toilet. You stopped sucking your thumb (yay nail polish!!). You have become a big sister. You have added an uncountable number of words to your vocabulary. You have learned to dress yourself, feed yourself better, drink from an open cup. You have gone from toddler to preschooler, taking care of more and more things for yourself. I have discovered you are a complex thinker, a challenger. You will go around a problem to attain your goal. You can do a rockin\’ summersault and quote Napoleon Dynamite like no other 2 to 3 year old I know!

When we named you Olivia Grace we never envisioned the clumsy or the mess:) Olivia means peace, and Grace, well, means grace (a characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement)! I am discovering perhaps your name meaning may not be reflected in your mannerism or balance. You are rather charming though! This is just fine, everything about the way you tackle life gives us great joy. I am realizing now that the peace and grace in you comes from the way you touch hearts. Your \”grace\” may or may not be the way you carry yourself on the outside, but perhaps it is the mercy side of grace - which is more desirable. It is the grace of God that draws me to Him… that is a quality I can see growing in you. And I think it is through God\’s grace that you\’ve been given to me and Daddy for our daughter:)

I love you Livi. I am not a perfect mom, and I know that. I will never pretend I am. I am always working to be a better mom for you, for Joel, for Lucy. I pray I am disciplined enough to listen closely to God so I can make the best decisions for you. I pray I can lead you righteously, as you grow and learn how to lead your own life. I pray for your protection - of your body, heart and soul. I pray for protection from my mistakes and protection from the world. I pray for a life filled with joy - not merely happiness. I pray for our relationship. I pray as we tackle the complexities of a mother-daughter relationship, we find the blessings of a special bond given by God. I love you my daughter . . . You are precious to me, beyond words. I pray the peace of your heart and the grace of your spirit, both given by our Heavenly Father, flow from you to this world as refreshing waters to a dry desert.

From the depth of my heart,
Mommy

Published
by
jenny
on May 10, 2005
in General, Mutha' Hood and Olivia
. 2 Comments