At my last MOPS meeting, my friend Karen talked about peace. Karen had 3 boys witin 4.5 years… they are now 7 and up. The woman has walked through the fire of being a mother of 3 preschool boys and is worthy to be listened to. She is a well-spring of joy.
So, peace. Peace and preschoolers are about as polar-opposite as north and south. Karen shared stressors that keep peace from motherhood, no big surprises. It was interesting when she compared the similarities between moms and POWs - sleep deprivation, noise, loneliness…. Man, motherhood can sure sound awful! It certainly has it\’s moments, but God knew what he was doing when he made little ones so stinkin\’ cute!!!
What hit home for me was a discussion question… \”Is my stress primarily from raising children or might there be some underlying issus I need to look at?\”
I definitely feel stress related to mothering. However, I am coming to realize my reactions/responses/apathy may be fed by some \”underlying issues\”. For me, underlying issues would be anger, resentment, my obesssion with why the \”squeaky wheel\” always gets the grease, forgiveness… maybe I am revealing too much. Ahh, who cares. I\’m not alone in this.
I am one to recognize and admit all my ducks are not in a row. But I am just really realizing how these issues impact my family, though any particular \”issue\” may not be at the immediate surface. If I have become more generally angry/put-upon/resentful, how can those things not ooze from my tone/expression/movement? If these things are UNDER the surface, isn\’t there potentially always some amount of contortion ON my emotional surface???
As the days tick by and the arrival of my third child draws near, my longing to work towards resolving inner conflict/chaos grows stronger. More peace in my heart means more peace in my home. That\’s the environment I want to create. If this could be my only success, it would be a great legacy of blessing for my children…
I am staying up much too late. I am exploring the blogosphere, something I rarely do, but something I so want to do (I should be prepping my tax stuff - yuck!!!) I ran acrossSleeping Mommy tonight. I have to copy and credit her witty tagline, \”If sleep deprivation is an effective form of torture then the CIA should seriously consider employing my children.\”
My kids too!!!
Almost 3 years ago my son had his first seizures. The very first one I didn\’t see, I found him lying on the floor. I thought he had choked on something. I gave him the heimlich 3 times(the next day he said his tummy was sore). He was 2 years and 8 months. We took 2 ambulance rides that day.
Olivia is now the same age he was then. I am about the same number of weeks pregnant. The \”anniversary date\” is a month away. I still find myself losing my cool a bit or freaking out on the inside if the kids get too quiet or don\’t answer right away. It\’s hard to let the memory of that day go.
Joel\’s condition is fully controlled with medication. He doesn\’t have a severe case, and he takes a fairly low dose of medication twice a day. We only had to go through 2 other meds to find a good fit for him. We are fortunate that it is controllable. I have read many cases where that is not the case. My husband and I are so very thankful.
On the other meds, Joel had small \”incidences\”, head flinches, brief loss of balance, and even loss of baldder control (adds a bit of complication when potty training!) In June, it will be 2 full years he has gone without any seizures (brief or long)! It\’s a major milestone, but it means more tests… The last time he had an EEG he was so young, I don\’t know what to expect from my big boy. It was scary for him and heart-wrenching for us. I pray that he will not be fearful.
We are also praying for no traces of sezure activity. I wish that type of news would offer me ultimate comfort, but there is still fear. I still struggle with allowing Joel to climb without a \”spotter\” (what if a breif incident occurs?), but I do. I fear recurrence in later years or months. I fear having this in his health history will limit his choices. I have no idea if one can be a pilot if one had epilepsy as a preschooler.
I am getting ahead of myself. June is still months away. I just take joy in the fact that he is healthy, active, smart and has the best sense of humor! I tearfully rejoice that he is alive (he was blue when I found him that morning 3 years ago). I am thankful he takes his medicine so well (he used to blow the sprinkles off the spoon). Finally I am thankful God chose me to be his mom. At 5, he tells me I am the best mom… I sure hope he still thinks that when he\’s 30:)
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