Jenny On the Spot

Another speaker came to my MOPS group. I can\’t remember her name, but she spoke on simlifying the season and slowing it down. She shared that it is important for parents to create a relaxed and loving time with family for the children. She said that (don\’t know her source) the Christmas season is the loneliest time of year for kids. Parents are busy tasking, crafting, partying, etc… This was eye opening for me. I think back to all the baking and making gifts and shopping and cleaning I do… I see how I can change things to make the season more about my precious ones than about the hype…

She listed 4 specific things to focus on with our kids: 1. Make eye contact with your children. Watch their reactions to things, to people… 2. Physical contact. Take time to snuggle, brush their hair, rub their back… 3. Give them focused attention - make a concious effort not to multi-task at times so kids fully have mom\’s attention. 4. Training and discipline. She said that often times, we think are children are acting up becasue they know it\’s close to Christmas, the sugar, etc… In reality it may be that we are so busy that we lose focus on keeping tabs on our kids and loosen up our discipline. We are more tired becasue we\’ve been so busy or staying up late. She said it is so important to remain consistent in this area through the holiday.

How can we simplify? Make fewer gifts, entertain less, volunteer less, watch tv less…

How about present overload?! Her family opens mailed presents as they come. When they get the package, they pull out pictures of that person or family. The intention is to help the child note/be aware of who gave what. If they open 32 presents Christmas morning, adults can\’t even keep track of that!

Kids need an evenly paced holiday season. Adults do too! She said if we follow the commercial calendar for Christmas - we adults will definitely be DONE by December 25th too! For kids, there is a huge anticipation and suddenly it\’s over, almost in a matter of minutes. She suggested:
*Time the events on a calendar… when to get the tree, guests arrival, putting up decorations, when Christmas music begins to play…
*Finish Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. Leave the weeks before Christmas more open for family, and eliminate more time away \”getting stuff done!\” She mentioned it isn\’t any less hectic getting it done by Thanksgiving than Christmas, there is always a lot to do…
*Extend past the 25th. The 12 days of Christmas begins the 26th! If a family eases into the season, there will be energy left to taper down.
*Christmas Day is never perfect… and most importantly don\’t try to do it all in one day!
*Strong family traditions help to slow down the season as well…

I thought she had some good points. I hope to integrate some things into the way we go about the season. I\’ll have to try the \”Finish Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving\” next year though:)

Christina gave a “homework” assignment.
*Create a family purpose/mission statement
*List your tradition… do they fir with your statement?
*Keep growing yourself
*She suggested reading Raising Your Kids on Purpose for the Fun of it. by Gwen Weising
*Pray for creativity, hold to your traditions and listen to the Holy Spirit.

I am doing part of the assignment - growing myself, and praying… Hubby and I need to work on the statement and traditions. I am hoping that when we go on vacation (very soon!) we can begin the creation of our family mission statement, and nail down traditions we want to set… We may end up just sitting by the pool, but I think that would be a good thing for us to do to… A little rest for Mom and dad is a very good for the family too:)

Christina made a great point I want to highlight. She talked about the tone we set as mothers. What do my kids hear all morning? How do we start our day? Do my kids hear constant griping to get ready, etc… What is the tone of our home? How do I set it for each day?

She connected this point with the family mission statement. If our family purpose is to create a calm and encouraging environment, yelling and nagging as we hurry out the door does not help us accomplish this goal. It simply creates another check on my attitude as we take on the day. Paul and I have not yet created a mission statement, but there have been a number of hectic mornings that I think, \”This is not what I want for my children. This is not the environment I want to give them…\” I treasure these little nuggets of wisdom that are slowly changing me and grwoing me, in a very healthy direction.

Continuing the notes from my last post… Christina shared quite a bit about the importance of tradion with our children. She also noted the significance of lining up our chosen traditions with our family mission statement. She is consistent in communicating that it is imperative that we are intentionl in all the choices we make as parents. It\’s not just about surviving these years with children. The following ere are some ideas I was drawn to…

*On Grandparents day, bring out pictures of grandparents. Talk about them, remember them if they have past away. Or, do it on that grandparent\’s birthday - even if he/she has passed away.

*The tradition of texture, smell, etc.. This one was my favorite idea of the day… Fill your home with lots of this. She gave the example of the grown child walking through college campus. He/she walks past a new construction site. He/she smells the cut lumber and remembers back to the time spent with dad in his shop. What if at that moment there was a choice struggle and that smell triggered the rememberance of home? That experience helps influence the choice. Sounds complex, but I know the familiar smell of a happy home has brought comfort to me… She also pointed out the importance of creating an emotionally healthy home atmosphere. She gave the example of her grumpy grandmother and the dish that sparks feelings of insecurity and conflict. I never realized how the simple things like the smell of cookies or candles, mixed with the heart of the mother and/or father can be so significant.

*On the child\’s birthday, create a circle chart with your child. Make a fun meeting out of it (hot chocolate, etc..) In the inner circle, write the child\’s name. In the next cirlce, note what the child had accomplished that year, and note that child\’s responsibilities and privileges. In the outer circle write what the child can anticipate he/she might accomplish, assign new responsibilities, and of course, special privileges that come with the added responsibilities.

*Have a graduation day at the end of the school year. Make a little ceremony (this seems like an especailly good idea for homeschoolers to mark the end of the season). Christina said her husband would write a \”State of the Union\” for each child and write about his heart for each child and his observations over that year. I really like the idea of the dad getting involved and building up each child with the father\’s words of love.

*Have \”Hot Chocolate Meetings\” and take time to listen, ask questions, and highlight why you are proud of your child.

*Create the tradition of surprise! Stage a \”kidnapping\” (unexpectedly steal your child away and go have fun, just the 2 of you!).