Jenny On the Spot

There is no time. At least no time to do the things I really want to do. I have to make time to clean pee off the floor (potty training daughter). I have to make time to clean the poop too. I have to make time to wash the laundry (notice I didn\’t say fold it or put it away). I have to make time to eat (baby makes me sick if I don\’t - 13 weeks now…). I have to make time to feed my kids - at least 3 times a day. I have to sleep. I have to get the details together for a baby shower I am throwing this Saturday, but thought I had another week until I looked at the calendar this morning! I have to arrange the details for the craft I\’m supposed to pull together for my Mom\’s group in one week. I need to keep up on my bills and receipts. I owe taxes in 7 days. There\’s more, but I\’m tired.

I want to: blog, read blogs, nap without thinking of all I could be doing, play more with the kids, not yell at the kids, organize my finances to see if we can move, search the web for homes, find the perfect home for our growing family, get our home ready to sell, sell our home, enjoy the upcoming holidays in a new home. I want to exercise. There\’s more, but I\’m tired.

I\’m very tired and I think my thoughts exhaust me more than doing things. I find I fret and fret and procrastinate. I procrastinate because I don\’t want to bump into anymore problems. I want to help my friends, but I have nothing to give. I can\’t babysit, I\’m too tired, and the added mess makes me upset. I can\’t cook dinner for someone, because I\’m not even cooking for us much these days. I can\’t help my friend who is moving to paint or pack - because I\’m pregnant and I need to get some of that done here - and somehow I can\’t finish painting my kitchen - something I started in May! I feel like my thoughts and life are just one big run-on sentence!

I\’m afraid to wake up in the middle of the night because I can\’t fall back to sleep. My mind doesn\’t stop. I pray and pray and I know I am failing in handing my pile of worries over. Obviously.

I want a creative way to end this post. I wish writing this out would bring an epiphany… not so much. But perhaps an open ending is most appropriate…