I have had the privilege of hearing Christina Veatch (owner of the Dancing Brush ceramic studio in Poulsbo) speak at a few mom events (MOPS - Mothers of Preschoolers, and one other) and she said something that is really causing change in me (I can be a slow changer and learner though…). In raising kids, I need to keep both hands on the wheel! Many times when I encounter difficulties or problems this flashes in my head - BOTH HANDS! I cannot afford to look away - I need to focus to control this “vehicle”!
She also talked about viewing problems as opportunities. This has really impacted me as well. It takes my focus from the idea of “discipline” and shifts me to “training”. My heart is different then. My kids get a better me and I tend to make better decisions. I still don’t feel happy when Joel or Olivia disobey, but I make sure both hands are on the wheel (in my successful moments), seek the Lord for patience and wisdom, and I can honestly say I feel a bit of relief when I view the moment as a learning opportunity instead of a train wreck.
How can a problem be an opportunity? Instead of getting down about a problem, I can look at it as a chance to do better next time. For example, do people tend to get angry when they misplace their car keys? It is usually a problem. OK — OPPORTUNITY! For the most part, I hang my keys up in the same place almost every time. I have taken steps to avoid a problem that I learned from. I don’t want to live my life looking for keys and being angry about it. Christina called this sort of thing an “act of kindness” to oneself. I know lost keys really cause chaos and intensity. As an act of kindness to myself, I set up a system so I can have at least ONE thing go right as I walk out the door:) I’ve seen this work with my kids. I have noticed that Joel gets VERY frustrated with his seatbelt buckle. In the past, I would move the booster and buckle for him. Right now we are working on him getting up from the booster, moving it over and then buckling up. The other day Joel said, “Oh, I know Mom, I’ll get up, move it and then buckle.” Right there — he experiences a sense of accomplishment (self-esteem) and he avoided an angry blow-up (which usually involves consequences from Mom or Dad).
I anticipate this being a life-long learning process, but I am excited to have this tool.
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