Probably my most challenging issue in motherhood RIGHT NOW is whining. Sure, on the surface “whining” in and of itself does not seem like such a terrible burden to have. However, at this season in my life it seems nearly insurmountable. At every decision during the day there is potential for resistance — miserable sounding resistance. I call out to God to show me new creative ways to tackle this problem and help Joel communicate in a different way.
I’m certain this is how God feels in His communications with me. He’s talkin but I’m too busy focused on what I WANT to listen. Yet another lesson on how I need to grow, and not so much my son. Turns out the lesson is a heart issue for me.
I remember driving home from the mall when Joel was about 2 (maybe more). I can’t remember what had happened that day, but I rememberlike it was yesterday — how desperate I felt. As I drove, I cried. I needed Joel to OBEY! I cried out to God that I needed Joel to just listen - to do what I asked, when I asked. I needed Joel to change! I couldn’t imagine going another day with such resistance!!! As clear as a cloudless sky I “heard” the Lord say maybe that was how I was with Him. Wow. Suddenly, the issue was about my heart and not Joel. Soon after, a friend said to me, “Jenny, you need to give Joel as much grace as you’ve been given.” Wow. Again, my heart my attitude.
Going into motherhood, I knew it would be difficult. I knew babies didn’t sleep much and kids like to stay busy. However, I just never really anticipated the extent to which a child can stretch you and defeat you.
I love who Joel is. I adore who he is. He is a compassionate, energetic, sensitive, strong-willed and loving boy. He is funny, talented and bold. I am excited about who he will grow up to be. My job (in partnership with my husband) is to nurture him, love him and guide him into who he is to become. I always want him to be certain that no matter what struggles we need to work through, I am so thankful God chose to put us together to work things out.
In this process of motherhood I am learning so much more about myself that I ever imagined. Who knew that struggling through whining and obedience with Joel would turn out to be a bigger lesson for me? What will the next day bring? I have no idea, but I am praying for the grace and creativity to tackle it…
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